someone lost their faith

i've recently been getting in contact with a lot of old friends and acquaintances who've dropped off or otherwise gone AWOL in the past years, and i was rather jarred to find out that, in their absence, one of them actually slipped into a bout of crack use. it's odd because i always make crack jokes to/about people. “let the crack go.” “that's just the crack talking. stop listening to the crack.” “uh huh, and would you like some crack with that, perhaps?” in context, i find them funny. however, now that i know somebody who personally has gone this route, it's rings a little odd now.

“someone lost their faith in / seeking God / so they / turned to the needle / back to the cradle” - seal, “dreaming in metaphors” (1994)

it begs the question what could i have done to prevent this? nothing. i wasn't around. i didn't know. and even if i was around and did know, i can't control the world even though i wish i could, and act like i can when i so often try. it just kind of pains me a little when i hear about these things because but for the grace of God, it could be any of us.

did i fail to mention that this is someone who has believed (and hopefully still believes) in God, but somehow their beliefs got diluted or contaminated or otherwise stripped of power? this is someone who ministered to me when i was still young and formative in my faith. how did i find a secure place in Christ and become strong where they slowly, quietly, and calculatively just slipped away from Him? how did they go from rising in temperature to settling for lukewarm, to waxing cold and distanced.

they've become cold and stony and it makes me react in almost a fear reponse to do whatever i need to do to not become them. none of us can really say oh i would never... and be able to back it up, because we haven't seen the future. i can say it's most improbable that you would ever find me doing any kind of drug. i'm too much of a control freak to want to turn it over to some narcotic.

i just saw a news piece of middle-eastern women who amidst the stress of war outbreaks around them, deaths in their immediate families, and censorship from hussein's regime, have become hooked on valium which is a legal drug there. i believe it may even be available over-the-counter. but i'm sure they didn't purpose when they were 13 or 14 years old aspiring to one day live a valium-addicted zombie of an existence.

this is why i so often pray for mercy. i may want to think i'm safe and exclusive and above such things, but as long as i'm human, built from the same materials that everyone else on the planet is, i'm susceptible. i'm not untouchable. and i pray for mercy right now.