jettison cargo

part of the reason i blog is to keep some type of chronolog of my moods and the swings thereof. i think i was recently quipping to my pastor about how i don't get overloaded and freak out anymore (referring to a previous incident where i couldn't take care of some tasks that i told her i would). well it turns out, that i lied. i lied, i lied, i lied. i spazzed today... just a little. i was overcome with the desire to jettison everybody and everything that looks, tastes, sounds, or smells like responsibility.

one of my clients had been asking for some updates for quite a while and i don't know why, but i had the strongest aversion to doing work for them. honestly, i don't know what took them so long to get frustrated enough to mention said frustration to me (and i hope it's not career suicide to make this readily available on the web), but it dawned on me. the flat phrase “i don't want to do this” kept playing over and over in my mind.

so i'd like to register “job burnout”, “jettison”, “spazz”, and “freak out” as buzz words for future reference and research. i must find out why these things have happened to me cyclically. though my mind is pretty thoroughly trenched in production on this album right now, i can't take all of my problems and “blame it on the boogie”. but i will say this. for the sacrifice that is going into making this album, i fully expects it to be killer. killer i tell you.

by the way, had it been available, i would have specifically posted mariah carey's new single “shake it off” as my choice for what i'm listening to. but seeing as i am, with a classy frantic suave panic, trying to evade responsibility, i'll settle for “emancipation” as my icon this post. it's all the same, right? i still need help.