and now that i have your attention...

wow. 8 months have passed and i do believe i have an answer to my question: people are listening. it has come to my attention that a number of people have actually been reading my blog who have no prior knowledge of me. i find this more than fascinating. thank you all so much. so now that i have your attention, God help me, i don't know what to do with it. i got a flood of great feedback from people who knew people who knew other people who all told each other to come visit me. so i wanted to put my best foot forward and write swell, write witty, write sweet, write grand for the crowd. grand i tell you! and then these first couple weeks of january came about and thwarted all my daggone plans.

i mean, i was all hopeful and sheened up at the dawning of the new year and in about a weeks time, my blisskissed natural high dropped off into a subtle slump of discomfort and indifference. i wasn't depressed, but i was far from the bushy tailed remix of myself that i had become comfortable with and endeared to over the last 2½ months. i was all set to deliver my own dockamat'nloofakangjunja oration about all the dreams i have and how this is gonna be my year and how all i had to do was focus on what i wanted and it was only matter of time before it was in my grasp. o, but alas and alack, someone left my cake out in the rain, all the sweet green icing flowing down, et cetera.

"we're all lookin' for brighter days
for the rain clouds to roll away
someone told me that when you seek you will find
well i'm still searchin' for brighter days
though the gray skies really wanna stay
i know that one day i'm gonna see sunshine..."
- lauren evans, "brighter days"

my world has not been rocked in any sort of violent way, but it was enough to make me a bit nauseated in spirit for a week. a lot of fast and swift changes whizzed in like the gusts of air one might feel on an island between heavily trafficked main streets. quick little one-two punches. all swings, but thankfully all misses.

i found out that one of my best friends decided to move to texas without really giving me any presage... just up and gone, no phone number or address. i could feel slighted, but given his freewheeling nature, i have confidence that he'll pop up again (like he has each time before). hopefully it won't take a year's time this go 'round.

my mother didn't get a chance to tell me first before a third party let me know that some guy virtually anonymous to me is courting her from out of state and is intent on marrying her. i've been put on the phone with the mister once during christmas, but i was told he was just a friend. my mother is mulling it over. they're both God-fearing divorcees well over 40, so i don't feel the need to intervene and counsel them. it's exciting and scary, so i'mma pray and let the grownup-grownups take care of it. my plate's full anyway. ;-)

my pastor's pregnant. doesn't affect me directly, but she's in that stage where throwing up has become a perpetual pasttime. makes it hard to preach, so we're duly warned that if she runs out of the room midservice, that's why. i feel like i should be doing something to curb it even though she's got the most loving supportive husband a gal could ask for. he and others are stepping up their already handsome efforts in taking up the slack.

another of my best friends is in the midst of marital difficulty that finds them currently separated and abruptly. having not treated a heart-jarred hubby in my rescue unit before, i don't know what i can do for my boy, but pray. and i'm not quite sure how to do that well. so now i've gotta pray about that too.

an almost friend of the family, my roommate's beautifully spry 17-year-old cat claire had to be put to sleep. claire was a sweetie. she looked like a young kitten but for little whispy grey hairs that appeared here and there in her black coat. although tests from the vet came back reporting some of her vitals as comparable to that of a 3-year-old cat, she had developed cancer and her liver was shot. most likely from the steroid-based thyroid medication we had to give her twice a day with her food to keep her appetite up. it was kinda sad for me, 'cause i sort of grew to like her myself over the nearly 3 years i've lived here. i'm okay, but i suspect my roommate will be a grief-stricken basket-case for an indeterminate amount of time.

again, none of this directly affects me, but it's disheartening stuff, people. i went through a rather trying 10-day period of moneylessness that actually forged me to the point of getting groceries from my pastors' house when i ran out of turkey pot pie. look, ya'll. you know you on hard times when you get all the way down to eatin' the emergency pot pies you forgot were even way in the back of the freezer. it rained incessantly and the temperature hovered around 40 degrees most of the time.

"sunny days, keepin' the clouds away
i think we're coming to a clearing in the brighter day
so far away, still i think they say
the wait will make the heart grow stronger
or fonder, i can't quite remember anyway...

so if you're waitin' for love
well it's a promise i'll keep
if you don't mind believing that it changes everything
the time will never matter."
- jars of clay, "sunny days"

still, discomfort notwithstanding, God is merciful. while one best friend exited unceremoniously, another that had been exiled to grad school has come back quietly with a degree in hand and is available to hang out a few times a week. enough money came in to take care of 2 months of overdue car payments, another week of gasoline and groceries bought with my own end. things aren't quite like i would like them, but they have been worse and never have the strength to stay that way. in fact, i'm feeling better already. the sun broke through right before the weekend and everybody in los angeles got a precious opportunity to breathe clean air for awhile before the smog had a chance to roll back into place. so, i'm alright. look at me bloggin'! see? yeah, that's nice.