for everything that has an ending

I was up working on the Mick Fleetwood site until 7am this morning. Called and left a voicemail saying i would be approximately one hour late and proceeded to humor myself with little more than two hours sleep before going into the office... where i am right now... to do... absolutely nothing. I'm running on a conservative amount of fuel today, but i've had all several injections of insight today, starting with this weekend's side project of rewatching all three movies in the Matrix Trilogy.

The slogan of the final movie is "everything that has a beginning has an end", referring to the cyclical rise and fall of Keanu Reeves' messianic character Neo. For myself, I have to invert the saying to "everything that has an ending has a beginning". The reason why is that I'm currently in one of those dreaded in-between stages in life. Essentially, something significant has ended and nothing comparable has risen in its place. It's the rise that I'm anticipating.

Allaying my concerns that God did not hear my prayers for some type of relief to this anxiety, in comes the most inconspicuous of blessings. I stumbled upon a new EP album release called Reset from a new band called Mute Math (which is essentially a grand phoenix from the ashes of my favorite now defunct group Earthsuit). When the band split, its lead vocalists formed 2 new bands and Mute Math is the product of my favorite member, singer/keyboardist Paul Meany. The best elements from their combination debut and swan song Kaleidoscope Superior that made such a huge impact when it was released back in 2000 are present in this new incarnation. Still brilliant and inspiring, and with them I am re-ignited.

As opposed to faulty times when seeing people excel makes me envy that I can't presently equal or best them, right now hearing these masterful players is only making me want to intensify what I am rather than lament what I am not. I want to hone my craft to as precise a point as possible so that I can shine and perhaps inspire someone to do the same. I'm sure to plenty of people it will just be music from another band that may not hit the stratosphere, but what it respresents to me is a fresh regeneration of something that once brought me joy. The best thing about it's in the present and I can embrace it right now!

I'm only 25 and I've accomplished some standout feats so far that make me feel like my time on Earth's been worthwhile. However, when nothing tantamount happens for too long a stretch of time, I may tend to feel like I'm wasting said time. Recently I've been concentrating nearly all of my effort on web design, school, and carnal forebearance (don't ask). Very little of my effort and attention has gone into my passion for music. Part of it is because music aspiration consumes a lot of time and money and, without momentum behind it, produces little more than just music. Yet, I'm still pregnant with ideas of various lengths in gestation and I'm not willing to abort these ideas just because now isn't a conducive time to give birth to them.

I have friends in the music industry who use it as their bread and butter the way graphic design is for me. Now, I love what I do even when it keeps me up until 7am, but I have yet to experience the grace {ease of movement} in music that so many around me have. Right now I really only have that in the medium of art. I want both and I believe I'll get it. Even if it goes nowhere in the sense of affording me fame and fortune, there are things that I want said and sung for the record and for posterity. I'd love to be widely lauded as a musician and a singer. (Shoot.. you know I like dang near any kind of lauding). But failing that, I still want to see through to fruition these ideas that assiduously court me as if no other vessel will suit them. I don't resent it. I just want to have wherewithal to feed these mouths that cry out to me. It will happen, and I believe soon. There's too much hullabaloo over them not happening for God to ignore it too long.