i'm alright

i'm alright, ya'll. i had a little talk with jesus and told him all about my problems and the synopsis is, i'mma be alright. ;-) that's good to know, 'cause there were some scattered days and nights that had hard times in 'em. i'd taken to walking up and down the middle of my street praying at night because as public as they are, there was nobody around to come between the two of us talking. it seemed like it would have been a bad thing, but it was a good thing.

i lamented that when i was stressed out and wanted to talk to somebody, it was often so late at night that there was no one to talk to. You try playing russian roulette with your address book and finding somebody who won't shoot you back if you successfully tag them at 3:00am. it's been good though. seems like often when times get rough, i want to go talk to people and have them tell me the right thing or maybe just tell me i'm right. whatever it is i wanna hear that will make me feel better. yet, God probably gets pretty jealous when i have drama to deal with and i want to confide in everybody but him. plus, the paradox is, who of them can really help me and why won't i open up to the one entity who can? so yeah, these last few weeks of roughin' it mentally have been good boot camp. it's times like those that help build muscle.

"it's easier said than done / see, i know i'm god's son / but it's just not that fun with these troubles to overcome / from left to right / every weather in my sight / so much opposition to fight / and i just wanna run / it's like i'm a magnet for pain / and murphy's law sustains / for the stormy cloud hangs / pourin' rain until i drown / but like noah in a boat somehow i stay afloat / i look to God 'cause i know / he's a true hope found" - l.a. symphony, "gonna be alright (remix)"

if you're curious, i've been working on a really important website for mick fleetwood, the drummer for and co-founder of fleetwood mac. the site's almost done. it coincides with this tuesday's release of something big, the new album by his side project called the mick fleetwood band. i somewhat would that i were more of a devotee so that i could be all the more honored by having such a prestigious client, but i'm just aware that he's a rock icon, treating the job with high respect and trying to make the best showing i can for future reference.

the problem has been balancing that job with every other job and person and priority that wants something from me... and they all demand their product immediately of course. add to that various cares with school and church... and what seem like endless bouts with my own recurring insecurities making me think folks don't like me when in truth, they might not have noticed there was anything there not to like. mind games, ya'll. pray for me. "don't let me get me". lol. :)

anyway, runnin' a check recently, life is good. me and mom are still getting along, my web business is booming, and i'll see the fruits of it soon. i've been getting out of debt. i actually recently got to pay back several hundred dollars that i owed my pastor from last fall (it was supposed to be paid back by christmas). they were so kind not to condemn me for it... i should have never attempted a loan that large, but it's over now.

"goin' over mountains and straight through the woods, from the snobbiest streets and in the most dangerous hoods, all people got problems, situations ain't good, but ya'll gon' see better days like i know ya'll should" - joey the jerk of l.a. symphony, "gonna be alright"

so the resolution is this. if i stated it before, it bears repeating. i've decided that i don't want to be held down by memories and ruins of good times that have already passed, dead and buried in history. so my quest now is to find the "new joy". you know? what's next. oh yeah, that was my last post... so i did mention it. anyway. i'm hot on it's trail, so i'll let u know what i find. ;-)