the glow

"sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows, everyhing that's wonderful is what i feel when we're together... my life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, that's how this refrain goes, so come on join in everybody!" - lesley gore, "sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows"

i've noticed a really pleasant aftereffect to time spent praying, reading, fasting, etc. i'm so becoming mr. sunshine man. the calm ensuing from spending what really isn't a lot of time (but moreso of high quality interaction) is amazing! i mean, not only did i not go off on my roommate when she was yelling at me monday, but just wednesday, i was working at my partner's house on some brochure. he'd been severely sleep deprived and was getting cranky as the night wore on. we started to disagree on several points in the design. he was getting whiny, and i was getting frustrated. i could feel my good humor depleting, but miraclulously... i didn't take it there. i reached the same point where i previously would have given up, walked out in the middle of the job, and probably peppered the convo with some sharpened words and blunt gestures.

there's been dramatic differences in my attitude. in galatians, the scripture that the reference about the fruits of the spirit says that they are "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control... against such things there is no law". i remember reading this when i was working at the escrow company long ago (stressful job). i'd see the list and think somethin' like "today i can do goodness, i can do faithfulness, but kindness, gentleness, patience, gentleness don't stand a chance". it was just impossible to hold that standard up, you know? but lo and behold, a few weeks of meditation and i noticed that i was beginning to embody virtually everything on the list. not like i was trying hard to make the cut, but just as a natural outcropping, i was just doing it! it's great. it's more evidence that my faith isn't unfounded and even though i believe in Him, i still need God to remind me that he's real from time to time.

right now, i kinda have this "glow". which makes me wonder if i had just been quietly depressed for a few months. i don't really give in to depression, so it's not like it has full reign of the place whenever it tries to set in. yet, i've noticed that people who were not too recently were avoiding me are now conversely gravitating towards me. i've gotten back to talking to people and smiling at strangers and stuff, which i think freaks people out when i'm in the elevator, but anyway... i just feel great and i wanna break 'em off a piece like kit kat. God knows i need people like that when i'm in a funk. opportunities are just open to me and things are falling into place. not that everything has been perfect these last few weeks, but nothing is getting to me. both junk and drama slide off me like teflon, and i'm lovin' it. if i thought it was because of me, i'd be singin' that mc lyte joint "i can't make a mistake", 'cause everything is just goin' so great, but i'm convinced that it's just good ol' God-stank wafting off. yeah, i said God-stank. deal with it! lol