me and my lord in the morning

my friend ken came to church once and sang a very intimate praise song called "me and my lord (in the morning)" about how pleasant it is to worship first thing in the morning before the day can get to you. afterward, i was joking with him and the rest of our praise team saying, "man. i can't sing that song, 'cause in the morning? me and my lord are asleep." last week, my intent was to get up at 5:30am so that i can attend a prayer meeting. friends, romans, countrymen... that... failed... miserably.

so i'm making another attempt tomorrow ('cause i really tryna convince God that i wanna be down with him right? lol). i thought i'd make it easier on myself by inviting a friend to help motivate me. when i'm responsible for someone else getting someplace or doing something, i try a little harder to accomplish the goal. i called my boy hakim, my twin, partner in crime, dorkus maximus, the only person i know of who can keep up with my incessant simpsons-based inside jokes. he's my brother, he can go, he'll help me be saved this week, right? that plan derailed. because though hak's a morning person and originally said yes to it, realized that tomorrow is father's day and seeing as he actually has a father figure to honor, he's gonna be with his own fam for church today.

=sigh=

and so abruptly ends my plan to get someone to help carpool me into heaven. i don't think God will fault me for trying, but what he has done is exposed whether or not i'm halfway real about this. my resolve needs to be to do the right thing even when you have to do it alone. i need to be able and willing to sacrifice sleep to pray or sacrifice food to fast or something. God's not just gonna deliver all of heaven to my doorstep with sausage and extra cheese.

so hopefully, i can go back to the previous deal. i'm trying to reach a goal that seems unbelievably far away right now. however, God has often times in the past, matched my effort. for every one of the first few labored steps i take to pull myself up by the bootstraps, he'll pick me up and carry me for a half a block or so. i can work with that. i'm a little disappointed that hakim couldn't be my early-in-the-morning ryde-or-die prayer partner, but i'll accept Jesus' sworn help as a consolation prize. i mean isn't that the goal anyway?