denouement

so lemme tell you how it all went down. i surprised even myself. i actually enacted a piece of what i suggested in my last blog entry. later that night, i cleared the papers off my floor, vacuumed, put on some comfortable clothes, lit a modest ginger peach candle, turned off the ringer on the phone, and held a 1-on-1 worship session in my very own bedroom. it was amazing. it was so out of the norm. it's not like i've never worshipped before, but i've never had such an intimate experience with God in my bedroom... in my own house. It's as if some unwritten rule proclaimed that interaction with God was permitted at only church or in the car on the way to or from church. But this "hit me where I lived".

I pulled out this old mixed CD that hadn't been in rotation for near 3 years. brought back the most beautiful, reverent memories. should you care, the playlist included nichole nordeman's "this mystery", "tremble", and "help me believe"... "the heart of worship (when the music fades)" and "o sacred king" by matt redman... "i will never be the same" by benjamin gate... and the song that got the most repeats on the dance floor that night, "jesus blood" by deliriou5?.

it was great. i don't know why i don't do that more often, but as i raised my hands in resolute surrender, at that moment i promise you felt such visceral tingly almost electric sensations flush across my body like a wave washing up my spine. it was so impactful that i did collapse for awhile a few seconds just wanting to yield to this sensory phenomemon of sorts. i'm not sure if that's what it feels like to be overcome by (or slain in) the Holy Spirit, but i welcome that rush to come thru and visit anytime. i really think it could have been God's holy spirit confirming his presence to me in a tangible way. who said being in church was a prerequisite? God's omnipresent, right?

well, mind you, my room was small, so even though it was kinda chilly that night, between the single candle burning my active pacing, kneeling, dancing, singing, and prostrating, it was comfortably warm in no time. warm like a thick soup or a thermos of tea can warm you from the inside. it was sooooooooooo peaceful and tranquil. now i have a clearer understanding of when i hear at church how your exhibition of worship on Sunday is more an outcropping of your worship behavior at home and all through the week. after spending what was actually only a fast passing 30-45 minutes in dedicated worship time, i felt more free to pray, more at liberty to lift my hands and expect God's presence to show, more connected period.

plus, as unconventional as it may seem, one of the coolest features of this brand new worship experience for me was a little interlude where i was sitting quietly and contemplating. as the theme of the night was more or less romancing with the Holy Spirit, i went down a not-too-oft traveled road and included watching performances of "Nothing Can Come Between Us" and "Your Love Is King" from my Sade Live DVD. Wait though. Before you declare me a heathen (which Kentesheia already has), lemme tell you what it was based on. This scripture has been running around my head for weeks and weeks and whenever I thought of it I wondered if one of my favorite Sade songs could be altered minimally to reflect the strong bond between God's love and his people.

I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is ours in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39 (NIV).

as i was watching it, i remembered how i always thought that i wouldn't want to go to a Sade concert unless i could be there with someone i'm in love with. if you look at the audience, you always see couples dancing in the aisles. however, this time, i had a brand new feeling of being embraced by God. amorous lines like "you're making me dance inside" and "there is always this and this is everlasting" and "it's about faith, it's about trust... nothing can come between us, nothing can pull us apart" were attributed most directly to God. it was nice. i felt loved. and everybody needs that. definitely gonna have to do this again.