love and candy

as a child, money was a thing with a singular purpose. it existed solely as a means to get me candy. i was pretty easy to please. something from each of the 4 junk food groups (fruit, chocolate, chips, and ice cream) and i had balanced meal. once i found $20 in the grass and the first thing i did was spend it. it didn't occur to me that it may have some other purpose.

conversely, now i am a man. and i still love candy. but i have much more currency and much more sophisticated tastes. ok, so for the nth time, let's take inventory. i've got some smarts, some good looks, some talent, and some wit to worth with. but apparently now, candy alone won't do. so i propose that i and my God-given commodities put our heads together and scratch up a plan to get us all loved. sound good?

"I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field and don't notice it... I just wanna be loved... Yeah, Celie. Everything wanna be loved. Us sing and dance and holler... just tryin' to be loved. Look at them trees. Ever notice how trees do everything to get attention that we do? Except walk... Oh Miss Celie, I feels like sangin'!" - a portion of Shug Avery's dialogue from The Color Purple.

i'm sure that many of things we do, we don't understand, but... beware: cliche coming... i believe we do it all for love. that is, whatever we believe love to actually be. everybody and everything is trying to be noticed, become attractive, become powerful, be in control, be in demand, get ahead of the game, move, shake, advance, and arrive at a destination that says: "yes. i am good, i am deserving, i qualify, and thus i can now be loved." it's almost as if love is like candy, and if you've got money or something else to barter with, then you can acquire it.

"Sometimes is never quite enough / If you're flawless, then you'll win my love / Don't forget to win first place / Don't forget to keep that smile on your face... / Be a good boy / Push a little farther now / That wasn't fast enough / To make us happy / We'll love you / Just the way you are / if you're perfect." - Alanis Morrisette, "Perfect"

once while in prayer, the Lord told me that a lot of the problems i was having stemmed from "a lack of love in my life". i thought that odd because i was surrounded by friends and family. i was happy and, i felt, stable. well nonetheless, God doesn't speak in vain. the more i learn about love, the more i find out how much i didn't know. i had a lot of the concept wrong. i had love defined as "like" or "enjoy" or some other mere feeling. it's more substantial than that. in 1 corinthians 13, it's described as enduring, unselfish, humble, tempered, empathetic, just & upright, trusting, optimistic, and eternal among other things. that's the "God kind of love".

love is not portioned out only to "them that's got" and denied to everyone else because by that course, i would never make the cut. i still don't feel worthy, but God loves us all without a prequisite or other cover charge and implores us to love each other that way. He said he is "no respecter of persons" and that he "so loved the whole world that He gave His only begotten Son". He didn't say He loved a portion of the world and the rest would have to contend for his divine leftovers.

however, if that was the case, it would make sense that we act as if only the best will be awarded the prize and scuffed runners-up who are lacking in table manners will be condemned to lonely perdition just because they were dealt bad hands. we were all dealt bad hands, but if we -- and when i say we, i primarily mean i -- could just understand that we already have all the love we will ever need freely given to us, we might stop working so hard to get it. sangin', dancin', hollerin', just tryna be loved.

further reading: "to have to prove and do and be", an entry from july 2004 that remained unfinished until today.