not dead

part 1
well, i'm approaching the denouement of the spring 2004 semester and though i am more than glad to be getting this stuff over with, everything has not turned out like i wanted it to.

Art 203: Life Drawing
apparently i did a bang-up job on the final. i critique my art pretty hard, but i was even pleased with the 2 hour drawing i did in black & white charcoal on colored paper. got me an A on the final, but i missed a crucial homework assignment and missed several of the 5½ hour sessions of the class.

Poli Sci 1
ok, let me just say, i hate politics, i always have hated politics, and i don't anticipate liking it anytime soon. my hope was to get all of my least favorite classes over with this semester and it's been a hard row to hoe. i've clashed with the teacher from the start. it's affected my performance in that i was cynical about politics before, and albeit informed, now i'm just adverse. i've never been quiet about it and it's resulted in a few heated confrontations in class, so now i'm certain he doesn't like me, and i'm none too fond of him either.

really, he's almost a good teacher, but not quite. so close, but no cigar. he seems to have genuine concern for students passing his class, but he's deluded into thinking he can force them into doing so. reality is, some people are going to flunk no matter what, and the man has all these anal retentive, constricting rules on assignments, requirements, and in-class conduct that just force you to dislike him.

well, after the last of the blazing rows we've had, i think we both decided we no longer wanted to contend with each other. we've both been civil, but there's still that tension. all i want is to get out of his class with an A or a B at best, and i'm sure that he'll be glad to see me go.

whatever. i just wish i'd had the time to do some of the extra credit assignments. i had arranged to do some hours of community service in order to get extra credit, but never found the time to devote to it once i got this new part time job. my supervisor is a friend of mine who said she'd sign off on my hours for now and let me make them up later, but i'm not comfortable with that. so that plan is scrapped, but if i make a good showing on the final i can still get an A.

History 1: Western Civilation
i have been avoiding history classes for the greater part of the 7 years i've been in college, but this class has been the most pleasant surprise of the semester. though quirky in her own way, this teacher is genuinely good at what she does. we have in common that neither one of us were initially thrilled at the prospect of having to be at a community college campus, but it's been a great experience. she has made the subject matter come alive for me, encouraged learning, critical thinking, expression, and i couldn't be more glad about it. i have done pretty consistently well and i'm confident that i'll be able to get an A. just gotta get past this final and that's all!

part 2
well, there's a lot of good that's coming from this semester, but the ordeal has worn me out pretty bad. finance has been shaky while spending less time working and more time studying. my goal for the year is to complete at least 30 units, which means i'll have to take summer school TOO. i'm not truly enjoying this educational experience and apart from stellar friendships i've fostered during the last 4 months, i have longed to get back to the university i started in.

today my thought was just "*sigh* what's the point?" well on the way to work, i was listening to "alive 2" from tonex's new album and towards the end he starts pseudo-preaching that God's not dead and our dreams are not either. it reminded me that the reason i'm trying to get school out of the way is so that i can be free to pursue the dreams that i really am passionate about. i'm not doing what i want to do right now, but there's still time, and i'm not dead yet. so i have hope.