doggone lanky blonde done stole my grammy!

i watched this year's grammy awards ceremony and they were nice, but that's all they were. the three highlights were (1) watching joss stone sing, (2) watching alicia keys sing and (3) watching alicia keys be fine while singing. that was about it for me. i was glad kanye west got grammies. his arrogance somehow doesn't bother me at all. i cheer him on. go figure. i was rather disappointed that tonex didn't nab the grammy for best contemporary soul gospel album. but i am confident that he will have many a chance in the not too distant future. the whole thing prompted me to go to grammy.com and go see who has and hasn't been graced with a golden grammophone.

it was funny looking down the corridors and saying yay for those i supported. but then i recalled one anomaly... eartha. who the heck is eartha? in 2003 i think it was, this independent artist virtually unknown to me pulled a jaw dropping coup, snuck up quietly from behind, made a lunge for it with teeth borne and nabbed the grammy for best contemporary soul gospel album, did a tumble across the stage and then promptly ran out of the auditorium with the police trailing fast behind her. nah. i'm lyin'. she won it fair and square. but how the heck did that happen? and who was this chick anyway? from what i new, her first album barely made any noise at all and i didn't even know she had a sophomore release. so how did this enigmatic tall lanky black chick with the blonde buzz cut and throaty contralto successfully nab this coveted accolade and successfully make off with it? the answer may rest right along side that of what kanye west would have done if he didn't win any grammies this year, for no man knows.

here's where my oddity comes in. it's been two years, right? well, i'm still mad about it. the sophomore album sidebars was on some independent label named a.f.r.t. music that i'd never heard of in my life. i had never seen the album in any store. i felt like i had been cheated myself. this whole passionate sentiment seems strange though because what does that have to do with me? upon reevaluating it, i've decided to change my mind. looka here.

so this whole notion of the grammies is elitist, right? and i tend to eschew anything elitist... that is until i wanna be down, and then? they're ok. shutup. i'm a hypocrite and i know it and i'm clappin' my hands. *clap, clap* the idea is that only the best, brightest, yada yada et cetera are supposed to qualify for this type of kudos. i was actually offended that someone who i did not recognize as fitting, worthy, or suited managed to secure an almost impossible victory.

my whole reaction seems completely out of character for me because i have made a way of life out of rooting for the underdog, scowling when beloved icons like india.arie, aaliyah, amel larrieux, and kenny lattimore were effectively shut out, and cheering when somebody from the middle layer gets hoisted above the smog layer for a moment in the sunshine. i seem to have forgotten my ingenuous prayers and wishes to someday be awarded a grammy myself. had i remembered, i would have celebrated this anomaly as a good one. why be upset when an unknown comes from out of nowhere and bests the likely contenders to set the entire modis operandi on end? need i remind myself that i'm an unknown hailing from nowhere sitting neatly under a pile of likely (as well as heavy) contenders piled high to the sky. it's a wonderful case for faith. i listened to clips of eartha's grammy winning aberration of a sophomore album. and i can't deny that i'm largely unimpressed. that grammy could have been mine!

"it's about frontin' on suckas you went to high school wit. all the people you couldn't get wit. all the people that's put'cha down. stole ya money. stole yo girl... i wasn't always perfect, baby. gina?! i wasn't always the mack! back then, ricky fontaine was the man. pretty ricky what they called him." (c)1993 martin payne on high school reunions.

speaking as a true artist and ignorer of kanye west's overbearing overconfidence, i think my roughly cut and completely underground album was way better than hers. and i'm sure that even her fellow nominees in the category had albums that were better than hers and names that were more well known and videos that were better shot and record companies with more money. doesn't matter. whether there was a clerical error or the competition got disqualified on an isolated technicality, ms. eartha has a grammy and there ain't not a nary thang none of us can do about it. i haven't sold 200 copies of my independent album, but God's word did say that all things are possible through Jesus Christ. so what if one day dispite my rampantly shameful player-hatation in this situation, i actually get nominated for a grammy by some mountain-moving act of God? and then... what if i get it?? we can no longer say it's impossible. whether you believe in Jesus or not, even heathen's can't deny hard facts.

so. i have decided that i am no longer mad at eartha. for if i can't rejoice about a sister of mine getting a major blessing, how is God gonna bless me? shoot. i know she live right here in l.a. if i see her, i'mma hug her and tell her to rock on with her bad enigmatic tall lanky buzz cut blonde-haired throaty contralto-voiced self. can you dig it?