these ordinary days

i'm not so far removed that i can't the remember the last time i was grandly passionate about life. seeing as it was such a marked stretch of green pastures, i remember it vividly. i just can't remember how i got there. these days, i tend to just kinda go about, doing ok, doing alright, not bad, not wonderful. not really praying too hard, not really reading too fervently, not really doing anything full out. it feels a lot like a trailer park looks... not too impressive, but it qualifies as shelter.

Not much for conversation, I still find need to pray. Sometimes I get tired of walking through these ordinary days. If nothing else I get to see you even if we never speak. The harm of words is sometimes we don't quite know what they really mean. I don’t know where, I don’t know how. I don’t know why, but your love can make these things better." - Jars Of Clay, "These Ordinary Days"

it seems to be part of the ebb and flow. not every day is perfect. thank God things are pretty stable. no drama, no big worries. just carrying my load, doing my part, nothing spectacular. i am able to stand this because i know it's only temporary. soon enough there will be some joy, some relief, some elation, some laughter, some entertainment, something interesting coming. but today, not so much.

i don't like to be this way. i prefer days when each is a different entertaining ring of a circus. plenty of colors and merry sounds. i've taken to watching cartoons lately. maybe it's my mind trying to get the stimulating nutrients it needs (normally only found in a box of crayons). it's partially the weather too. these days, all skies are half cloudy if not fully so. it has no really bearing on what goes on, but it's just the environment at this point. not reason to worry. i'll be glad to get back to high times again.