to envy the miserable

Sorry if I've neglected my blog this week. I figured after a weekend of quadruple posting, people needed a breather. I've found an erstwhile hobby in maintaining a page on MySpace and seeing how many of my friends are online. It's actually quite a nice number. I felt loved. (lol) And then I felt something else.

I was reading profiles of friends and their lives and quirky things that make them interesting. For a few moments in particular, I just had this longing begin to rise up my calves like the cold waters of a high tide. I wanted to be that person for a moment. This astounded me because as pleased as I am with myself, I'm no longer given to fits of wishing I could take my life back to God with the receipt and trade it for something else.

"I just wanna do / half of what you do / and I know it seems so strange for me to say it / if there is a hundred ways to say it / all in one it means / don't go away." - Janet, "One More Chance"

This uncomfortable feeling had to go, so I quickly stepped out of said chilly rising waters. Thank God I was lucid enough to make the decision. I was tempted to wallow in that feeling though and explore what it felt like washing over my back, up my spine, and through my hair. Need I remind anyone that I am most averse to cold temperatures? That's probably why God designed me to be born in California.

This is the thinking. The life I was seeing looked good and my pupils dilated and stars began to twinkle all around and what not. Yet the fact of the matter is, I am so certain that even more often people have taken a glance at the waxed and buffed outer chassis of my life and thought the same. Maybe envying me as attractive, witty, peaceful, happy, and maybe even powerful. Seems a little far reaching, but it's possible. Because I sure have felt that way about people who probably would think I'm crazy for even opting to switch. Everybody has their share of trouble and no one encased in flesh really has it together so much that would warrant us all clamboring to get what they've got.

"It's a sad state of affairs when so many Americans obsess over wealth and fame [and] the people who are wealthy and famous are actually kind of miserable." — Moby

I could have been caught up, but by the grace of God, I'm back to my senses. I'm quite alright being stuck with being myself. I still have issues, but at least I know my way around them by name. I may even give a few of them cute little names so that they don't seem so vicious when they "greet" me at the door. What I am is what I am, and what I am is satisfied.